Succubus Heat CHAPTER 22

What close to aphon deoxyephedrinening? I asked stiffly. I waited then for the sh give aways, for the accu sit cumulationions. whatever of them would confuse been understandable. What I didnt expect were tears building up in her eye.I thinkI think some(a)things wrong. I think hes trying to permit me down easy or something.Why would you think that? I channeled dramatise and Mei, keeping my face as subdued and expressionless as theirs.Hes justI dont k compensate aside. Hes been so distracted lately. solidifyings al musical modes distracted. You go to sleep how he is with his books.Yeah, I k straight off. And it drives me crazy sometimes. I remembered her disappointment at Caseys fictional charactery. tho this is something different, I prat feel it. Only, I dont live on what it is. Hes non around very much(prenominal), and when he is, its akin hes with me provided not with me. He unceasingly maintains nothings wrong, but it doesnt feel right. And we haventHavent what? I asked, guessing the answer.A sibylline pink blush blossomed on her cheeks. We havent been having sex. Each time I even off kind of suggest it, hes just notwell, he doesnt actu exclusivelyy influencem into it. lecture somewhat their sex life was i of the most painful conversation topics I could imagine, short of her realizing I was to blame for its problems. So, I kept up with my pokerfaced healer mode.How long has it been issue on?About a week.Yup, that made sense. That was right around the time my stasis had begun. Here Id been expecting Maddie to come after me, to pick up on nonpareil of the covert smacks Seth and I had shared. But she hadnt. It had never even crossed her mind to suspect me of everything duplicitous. In fact, shed come to me for help because I was one of the few people she trusted with something like this.And that made it all the worse when I had to lie to her. In both other situation, I would have advised a friend to take control of her relatio nship, to corner her man and not be used. And maybemaybe I should have. If I advised her to break up with Seth, that would clear the way for us. Did I want that again? I didnt hunch. I still wasnt thinking past the day I would turn into a succuba again. I was living irresponsibly, focusing on the now, and continued that here with Maddie.My next wrangling were spoken so winningly, so convincingly that there was no way she could ever think I didnt have her best inte abatements at heart. I might have been relying on my succubus abilities to smooth my hair all this time, but charming and persuading people was a core part of my personality. She never s besidesd a chance.A week? I gave her a gentle smile. Thats not very long. You cant really base a major crisis on that yet-especially when you consider who youre dealing with. I mean, like you say, youve seen him get so busy with work that he cancels or even go outs things, right?Yeah, she say, sniffling in a continued attempt to keep back her tears. Its just never been like this. I dont know. Ive never had a serious relationship. I dont know how its supposed to work.You guys have only been going out for, like, four months. It takes longer than that to really get to know someones patterns. With a pang, I realized she and Seth had dated longer than he and I had. This may be one youve got to get used to. Hes probably tense uped, and sex is the last thing on his mind-as hard as that is to believe. Give him some time. If it keeps happening, then it might be time to worry. But its in like manner soon now.I could tell by her face that my words had given her hope. Yeahyoure probably right. Butdo you thinkdo you think Im doing something wrong? Should I do something different? Act differently? garnishee sexier?Oh God. I so did not want to be advising Maddie on how to seduce Seth. WellI wouldnt worry round any of that quite yet. Overthinking itll just stress you out more. Just wait a brusque bit. If somethings on his mind, it may take him some time to work by it.Shed defeated her tears and now adopted a resolute look. Sometimes I dont know if Im fooling myself, like that Im just caught up in my first big romance. But, seriously, some days, I feel like Ive found the one. Like if he wanted to run off right now, Id do it. The love on her face was like a bullet through my heart. If somethings wrong, I want to help him through it.I know, I know, but you still dont know what it is. If its a writing thing, hes got to work it out. If its something elsewell, Im legitimate hell come talk about it when hes ready.Her dark eyes were contemplative, looking at me without beholding me while she processed all of this. Youre probably right, she said at last. She gave me a mild, rueful smile and shake her head. God, I feel kind of stupid. Look at me. Some kind of champion for strong women, huh? Did I mess up my makeup? And oh God, did I really just ask that?No, its fine. And youre not stupid. Your sentiments are normal. I stood up, needing to get out of here. The room was making me claustrophobic. I had to get away from her, away from her trust. Im going to go do a sweep. They should be opening any minute.She rose as well and ran a hand over her eyes one last time. Yeah, Ive got things to do too. Thanks for listening to me. Before I could open the door, she gave me a small, fierce hug. Im glad youre my friend.With that, she go forth to tend to her work. Meanwhile, I wished a hole would open on the floor and swallow me up. I almost wished Nanette would show up and end my misery. Thankfully, I only had two hours until I was impact romish. Then Id be free of this misery and self-loathing that Maddie was unknowingly stirring up in me. But if Id hoped store business would prove a distraction, I was wrong. A half-hour later, an errand to the caf? brought me face-to-face with Seth.He sat at a table with his laptop and looked up as though he could sense that I was nearby. He smiled, and my h eart raced. I smiled back before I could stop myself. He looked like he wanted me to come over, yet I worried about attracting attention or tipping others off. Of course, it might actually look more suspicious if I didnt talk to him, I realized. Long ago, it was perfectly common for me to stop by and chat with him. No one had ever perceived it as anything more than friendly banter.So, after dropping off some books, I strolled over and sat across from him. Hey, I said, feeling warm under his gaze.Hey, he replied. You look beautiful today.I glanced down and laughed. Along with my limited wardrobe, I was also discovering that not doing laundry decreased my clothing options even further. I was in jeans and a plain black T-shirt today, and my hair had been lucky to get a dissolute brushing, let alone any real styling. Id overslept and figured beachcombing didnt require much primping anyway.Liar, I said. I practically rolled out of bed this morning.You forget that Ive seen you in just ab out every state imaginable. You dont have to have every detail primped and perfect. Youre beautiful even when youre disheveled. Sometimes more so.Hey Are you verbalise Im disheveled now?No, youre somewhere in the middle of primped and disheveled. And you still look beautiful.I received compliments all the time, but from him, they were golden and wonderful. Even the smallest ones. And you, I said, seem to try to be disheveled.He ran a hand over his slightly messy hair. I think his intent was to smooth it, but he only mussed it further. People spend fortunes on hair gel to get this look, you know.And fortunes on shirts like that, I said, gesturing to his vintage Ovaltine T-shirt. There are collectors whod pay a lot of money for that on eBay.I am one of those people.I laughed. Theres a treasure trove of T-shirts waiting for you in Vancouver, you know. I kept seeing them and thinking of you.With each moment that passed, I fell further and further into that electric, consuming connectio n between us. Love for him filled me, made me feel complete. divergence him would have been agonizing just then, and I saw a similar sentiment for me on his face. Id sat down, feeling guilty and conflicted over Maddie, but once I was with himwell, it was selfish and horrible, but I couldnt help but stay. And honestly, it became hard for me to fret too much over her feelings because I was too caught up in my own for him. I wanted him. I wanted him to be mine. I wanted him to love me. And yet, I knew as soon as I left the table, Id feel bad about her again. There was no way this could end well.Do you have any more trips scheduled up there? He lowered his voice, the flirty look now gone and transposed by concern.No, I think Im done with my international travel. Ive just got to figure out things here nowor, well, theyll be figured out for me in another day or so. Things are going to return to normal with or without Jerome soon.His expression grew troubled, and he glanced away from me to contemplate out the window. Wed both cognise the inevitable was coming from the beginning, yet neither of us had been able to talk about it then. It looked like we still couldnt talk about it now. There were a million things we should be discussing, but all we could think about was each other. All we wanted was each other. Wed spent so much of our time with boundaries between us that now that there were none, we just wanted to childishly lose ourselves in our longings and not think about the consequences-even though the consequences would be catching up with us any day now.Well, Seth said finally. I just hope you stay safe. Are you any closer to purpose him?I hesitated. papist had told me not to trust anyone. I was pretty sure that Seth wasnt going to go run off to any demons in the flying field and report what I said. I also suspected, however, that Seth wouldnt be happy to find out papistic was in my life again, no matter how selfless Roman claimed to be right now. Seth wouldnt trust him. Hell, I didnt trust him.Ive got a few promising leads, I said finally. I fancy about Grace. Some more promising than othersIm just not sure if I can do anything with them.Still traipsing beaches? Do you need me and Kayla again?I thought she had something going onThe look on his face said he would do anything for me. Yeah, but if you really needed her, I could try to pull some strings. If you wanted.Oh, did I. A pleasant, aching yearning gathered in my chest. There was nothing Id love more than to spend another afternoon with the two of them, even if it was peeping for rocks. It had let me indulge in the illusion of being a family.No, Im fine. Reluctantly, I let the image go. As much as I wanted to be with them again, Roman was the better partner on my hunts now. I would rather put him at risk than Kayla, and anyway, he was more likely to be able to know what to do if we actually found what we were looking for. I glanced at the clock. In fact, I need to refrain up my work here. My shifts over soon, and I cant be late.Seths face was a mixture of worry and disappointment. No lunch, huh?I couldnt be certain, but I suspected lunch with him would have involved both nutriment and sex in some surreptitious location. Damn. I wanted both.Sadly, I shook my head. I wish I couldbut this comes first. Im sorry. For half a second, I remembered Maddie in the office, so sad and heartbroken. I even thought about Dante and his compulsive spending. If I had any scrap of lessonity left in my put forward soul, Id tell Seth that we needed to end this, right now. But like every other time Id told myself that, I never listened. Maybemaybe tonight, thoughRoman and I would be done searching. Dante might be around, but wellId deal with that later. I felt confident I could dodge any plans he might want to make. Details like that didnt matter. Only being alone with Seth again did. How could being around him affect me like this?He nodded, as eager as me. Call me whe n youre free.I started to joke that Id never be free, but that wasnt what hed meant. Standing up, I hoped I looked like I was release a platonic conversation and that I wasnt actually struggling with the temptation to kiss him good-bye. We stared at each other for a few heavy moments, and with his eyes, Seth said a million things, both sweet and indecent. Walking away, I was certain that anyone whod seen us would instantly realize what was going on-but no one seemed to be paying attention to us.My shift wound down rapidly after that, and as I walked home afterward, I heard invisible footsteps travel on with me. I know youre there, I said under my breath. I didnt want anyone thinking I was crazy. Glad to see your voyeur ways havent changed.My car was position behind my building today, and as I rounded the corner onto a quiet block, Roman materialized beside me. He looked gorgeous, smug, and dangerous. The usual.I hope you had an entertaining time next me around. I took my keys o ut.You should be a reality show, he said. Its that good. And you know, I might be a totally unstable former assassin, but man. You manage to blow out of the water even me.Oh, be quiet, I snapped. I unlocked the car doors and slid into the drivers side. Your snarky commentary is neither wanted nor appreciated.Its not commentary. Its me thinking aloud. It has nothing to do with you, really, nor does it require any response on your part.This is it, isnt it? I asked, pulling out of the parking spot. This is why you arent going to kill me. Youre going to just torture me for the peace of eternity. Long suffering, right?He grinned, flashing perfect white teeth against his tanned skin. It triggered a memory in me, how Id once found that so attractive. Now, though, my fear and unease blockade any sort of desire.I suppose thats one way of looking at it. And besides, dont act like there isnt some part of you that occultly enjoys play this eternally woeful, tormented role. If you were happ y, you wouldnt know what to do with yourself.Thats not true. I was surprised to feel myself blushing. Stop trying to fuck with me.Im just intrigued, thats all. You wear this mask of moral superiority. So does Mortensen. Yet, here you two are, sneaking around.You dont understand. Were in love. The wry look Roman gave me immediately made me regret my words.Oh, I understand. Believe me, I do. I kept my eyes on the road. He had once told me he loved me, and Id thrown it back in his face. If you guys were so in love, whyd you break up in the first place? You were fawning all over each other the last time I saw you.For a lot of reasons, I mused. Its complicated.It always is.I sighed. Edmonds was about twenty five minutes away. This was going to be a long drive.Well, not that its any of your business, but I mean, there were a lot of things going on. We were having communication problems, for one thing.How terribly mundane.And I was starting to freak out-you know, about how he could die. I didnt think I could handle that. I waited for Romans snide response to that, but there was none. And, of courseI mean, there was always sex. I wouldnt do it. I couldnt stand the thought of stealing part of his life away. Our love wasnt dependent on sexbut well, it still muddled things up.And now you have no problem with sex.Because I cant hurt him now Look, I cant help the timing-or the fact that we still care about each other.Or the fact that each of you have significant others. Now I stayed silent. Roman tipped his head back against the seat thoughtfully. In all my observations this week, Ive got to admit, I like Maddie.I like her too, I said quietly.But that guy youre geological dating? Well, I think you can do better.Im almost starting to wish youd kill me.Oh, Ive thought about it, he said. To my dismay, the joking was gone from his voice. Again, I refused to look at him. Im sorryabout Helena. I never meant for that to happen.Roman gave a laugh that sounded like it choked him. Oh? What did you think would happen, then? A slap on the wrist? I survived it, and I was still in pretty bad shape.You said you were going to kill Carter. And I didnt know who else youd go after, I said quietly. I didnt know what else to do. There was no easy option for me.There would have been if youd really loved me like you said you did, he replied bitterly. And I told you Id deviate the rest of them alone.It was too late when you told me that. By then, Id already called for help. I didnt add that in a way, I really had loved him. It had been different from the way I loved Seth, but it had been love nonetheless.Well, whatever. Its not relevant now. Finding Jerome is whats important. Out of the side of my eye, I saw him study my profile. Of course, Im surprised youve been so eagerits going to put an end to your little affair.Its going to come to an end anyway. Id rather have Jerome in my life afterward than some other demon. In my mind, I could see Seths kind eyes and gentle smil e. I could almost feel the way his hands touched my body. Ill have the memories, at least. Theyll stay with me.Memories. Roman shook his head. How the hell can someone who fucks random men for a living be such a romantic idiot?I didnt answer that, and the rest of our drive contained little conversation. The place we were going to in Edmonds was another park. Funny, I thought, that humans kept sectioning off these magical places and preserving them. I wondered if they sensed that power on some inherent level. Id read up a little on this park and how it had some significance to Native Americans in the area. Surely that was promising. It was a small beach flanked by a woodsy area with picnic tables. Children ran around while their mothers watched.This place isnt very strong, said Roman, once we were out of the car. Theres a little magic in the earth but not much. I cant imagine theyd hide Jerome here-theyd want a lot more to mask it.I refused to let that drag me down. We have to look. We dont know anything for sure.The park wasnt huge. I suspected it would take us less time to search it than it would to drive back. Just as wed stepped out of the parking lot, my cell phone rang. I didnt recognize the number. Go on without me, I told Roman. When I answered, the voice was no one I recognized.Is this Letha, also known as Georgina Kincaid?I grimaced. Only high-up hellish employees called me by my original name. Yes.This is Ephraim, from Internal Affairs. The demons voice was clipped and hurried, giving the impression that I was the one whod called him and interrupt something. I found it amusing that hed called me rather than speak in person. more efficient, I guessed.I sat down at a picnic table. What can I do for you?Nothing, Im sure. But Ive been instructed to interview all lesser immortals in the area about The Jerome Situation. I could hear the capitalized letters in his voice, kind of like The Manhattan Project. First, Id like to know where you were when Jerome disappeared.On my way to Canada. Jerome had been lending me out to help Cedric.There was a moments pause. My records say that Cedric was in Seattle when Jerome disappeared.Well, when I left, Cedric was still up there, yeah. But then when the Army of Darkness did their thing on the Space Needle, I called Cedric because I figured hed want to know. I thought that was when he came down here.Did you say Army of Darkness?Um, yeah. Its this cult in Vancouver that was doing embarrassing things.Ah. The ones with the spray paint.Yup. Id been helping Cedric with them, and when he heard they were down here, I guess he came to talk to Jerome and do some damage control so Jerome wouldnt think hed sent them.Your informations incorrect. Cedric never met with Jerome.What? I frowned, thinking back to my conversation with Kristin. Id asked if Cedric had come to talk to Jerome, and while shed corroborate that hed been down here, she hadnt mentioned them actually speaking.When Cedric came, Jerome was already missing. He and Mei attempted to find him, and when the lesser immortals began showing the effects of the summoning, we knew what had happened. Ephraims words were still brisk. Clearly, he had no beguile in discussing what he already knew.I was close to something here-so, so close. Had Jerome been summoned before Cedric arrived? That would rule him out as the summoner. Of course, if Ephraim had received his information from Cedric, then it could have been a lie. Maybe Cedric was being framed. Maybe hed actually been here the exact moment Jerome was summoned. Mentioning Mei meant that she had probably corroborated Cedrics story. Which meant what, exactly? Was she in on this too? I knew Grace was involved already. It was possible Mei and Cedric were working with her, but that meant three demons were in the conspiracy now. There was only one reward in Seattle, and I couldnt see how theyd all benefit. Getting a large group of demons to organize was hard. Getting them to do it w hen it offered no advantage for all of them? Impossible.Ephraim was eager to get back on track. He asked me a few more questions about Jeromes disappearance and a bit about my day-to-day affairs. He never asked for my opinion about who should replace Jerome or what I thought of other demons. That wasnt particularly surprising, however. As my friends and I had discussed, our input probably wouldnt play a large role here.I hung up and went to find Roman. I expected him to have practically finished the search, but instead, I found him play ball with some kids over in a clearing near the trees. They were pretty little, and there wasnt much to the game. Mostly everyone stood in a circle and tossed the ball back and forth. Romans throws were gentle and carefully aimed so as to make it easy for the kids to catch the ball. I stood off to the side, watching them in wonder. He actually seemed pretty into it, and the oddity of a sociopathic half-angelic bastard playing with small children was nt lost on me.Roman caught sight of me watching them and tossed the ball over to a little girl. He left the circle to approach me, much to the dismay of the kids left behind. They entreated him to stay, but he merely waved and told them he had to go.Maybe we can come back later, he said jovially.I cant decide if that was wily or creepy, I told him. Maybe a little of both.Why creepy? I only kill immortal beings. Not kids.The fact that you just said all that with a straight face is proof enough. I gestured around. Did you check this place out?Nope. Didnt want to steal the fun from you. Who was on the phone?We started walking along the beach, and I recapped what Ephraim had told me. I almost told him what I knew about Grace, I admitted.No, better that you didnt, said Roman. We still need more information.Were running out of time, I grumbled. Theres not much more info we can get. And theres something theresomething weird about the day Jerome was summoned. I just cant- I froze, staring off down the beach. Roman. Look.He followed my gaze. There, near a trash can, was a patch of small, rough rocks mixed in with the sand. Gray and white. I ran off down the beach, ignoring the sand cream my shoes. Holy shit. After all these fruitless searches, after relying on all these sketchy half-assed clues, wed actually found something. Wed found Jerome, and not a moment too soon.Ignoring the looks of some startled kids, I knelt down near the rocks and began pushing them aside, digging through the sand. I realized then I should have brought a jigaboo or something. A few moments later, Roman arrived and stood over me.Well, what are you doing? I demanded. Help me.Hes not here, Georgina.He has to be Were near salt water. Theres sand. Theres white stones. For the rest of the seals camouflage to work, hes buried here somewhere.I cant sense anything. Hes not here.The rocks were cutting my hands as I dug, and I felt tears stinging my eyes. Until that moment, I didnt realize just how horribly and truly afraid Id been of Jerome not returning. My time as a succubus had been filled with upheaval. I liked the small slash of tranquility Id carved out here in Seattle. I didnt want that to change. I couldnt let it change, not after everything else Id been through recently.The whole point of the seal imprinting its magic was to mask Jeromes prison Of course you wouldnt feel it.The seal hides it from anyone not actively seeking it. I am, and Im telling you its not here.Maybe its because youre not strong enough.With a sigh, Roman knelt down behind me. Georgina, stop.Damn it He has to be hereRoman reached from behind me and grabbed my arms. I struggled, but he was too strong. Georgina, enough. Jerome isnt here. The only thing unusual about this spot is the smell from the garbage can. Im sorry.I struggled against him a little bit more and finally gave up. Apparently feeling certain I wouldnt fight anymore, Roman released me. I turned and looked at him, swallowing back my t ears. This was our last chance, I said softly. We dont have any time left.Roman studied me with his sea-green eyes. I saw no anger or threat on his face, only compassion. Im sorry. And you dont know for sure that its too late.Ephraim will finish his assessment anytime now. And where are we going to go next? The Olympic Peninsula? Wenatchee? Hitting places at random was one thing when they were in our backyard. These others are too faraway away. We choose the wrong one, and thats it. Game over. We wont have time for anything else.Im sorry, he repeated. From his face, I could see that he spoke the truth. I want to find him as much as you do.I stared beyond him out at the blue-gray water and the circling gulls. Why? Why do you want to find someone who tried to kill you?Roman smiled. Why do you cling to a romantic ideal when everything in your life has pretty much shown you that its impossible?I think hed spoken rhetorically and seemed surprised when I dragged my eyes from the water to look at him and answer. Because of a dream.He arched an eyebrow. What dream?I took a deep breath, and like that, the images flashed through my mind, just as vivid and real as theyd been the first time. Awhile agoNyx was here.He looked startled. What, the mother of time and chaos?Yeah. Long story.What is it about this urban center?Beats me. Anyway, she was preying on my energy and distracting me by sending me these dreams. They were so real, Roman. You cant even imagine. My voice was small as I spoke. I was washing dishes in a kitchen, and Sweet Home Alabama was playing. In the other room, there was this little girl sitting on a blanket. She hurt herself, and I came in there to foster her. She was maybe two or three, and she was mine . My daughter. Not someone elses. Not adopted. The daughter of my body. Aubrey was there too and this tortie and-A what?A tortie. A tortoiseshell cat. I waited, but his expression was still blank. Its like a calico, but without any white. Just brown a nd orange patches. How can you be millennia old and not know that?Because I dont subscribe to Cat Fancy magazine. And I cant believe you remember things like cat breed and background music.It was so real, I said quietly. More real than my own life. I remember everything.Whatever snarky retort was on his lips disappeared, and he turned serious again. Im sorry I interrupted. So, what happened then? With you, the girl, and the cattery?We were just all there together, warm and happy. Then a car pulled up outside, and I carried the girl out to look. A man was getting out, and he was the one . My lover, my husband, her father. The one my life centered around.Who was he? Roman asked, face intent.I shook my head. I dont know. I couldnt see his face. It was dark out, and it was snowing. I just know that I loved him, and that he and the girl completed my life.Roman didnt answer right away as he turned my words over. But it was a dream.I dont know. Nyx can show the futureshe showed others thei rs. She claimed this was mine, but its impossible. I cant have any of that. And yetand yet, you secretly hope it might be true.Yeah. And when this whole stasis thing happened, I thought maybeAgain, Roman completed my words. maybe it could be true. After all, you could suddenly touch Seth. Maybe you could have a kid too?Hed guessed my secret hope. I didnt know. I still dont. Maybe I can get pregnant. I mean, my body is kinda sorta human, right?Yes. But not enough. I dont know every detail of this whole demonic hierarchy and the way they channel their powers, but I know you cant have kids. Even if you seem human, youre still immortal. You still belong to Hell. Im sorry.I held his eyes for a moment and then looked down. Well. I guess I cant really be surprised by that, huh? And I have no reason to trust Nyx anyway. Not after what she did.There it was. No kids. Another piece of the dream had slipped away from me. All I had left was the faceless man, the man I wanted to be Seth, and even that seemed unlikely now.Roman tugged me up. Come on. Lets head back before the rain comes. Well get some ice cream. Maybe thatll cheer you up.Im not really sure ice cream can fix my failed hopes and dreams or an impending demonic takeover.Probably not. But itll help.